Monday, October 26, 2009

Can't Help But Wonder..

I can't sleep tonight. It's just this trail of thoughts that keeps me awake. Nothing serious. Thoughts seem to come to me one after the other and I notice that in the darkness of my room and the little blue light from my speaker that illuminates it minimally, a weird shadow imprinted on the ceiling. It's my left hand over there! Excited by this sudden gush of child-like curiosity, I start painting my ceiling with the short-lived shadows I can create with my hands acting like some manipulative but sincere pair of models. Folding, bending, twisting both my hands to cast a shadow like that of a little rabbit, a dog (with no noticeable change from the rabbit's), a stone (easiest), a moving evil eye (by joining the index finger with the thumb, aligning the other three fingers behind the index finger and using the thumb of the other hands to move between it's corners to make it look like the moving iris of the eye keeping track of every movement inside the room), makes me really believe in a sort of a mystical randomness.

It's getting cold these days and I need a blanket to put me off to sleep. I keep the fan switched on though. My feet are all cold and numb. I don't like it one bit, this way. So I jolt up to cover them properly (and this time, with great caution because I really do want to go off to sleep and dream until the end of time). You know, the thing is... I hate to think knowingly.

So there I am lying on my bed like a log with no apparent movement, trying really hard to concentrate on black and desperately waiting for Mr. Sandman to do his job on me. As I lie here staring at my pillow kept next to me, I feel...

"...Wait a second!" I say to myself, realizing that my pillow lay beside me and not under my head like it is for most people. So, I stare at my pillow thinking how lonely it must feel just lying there all by itself as if it is not required. I kinda know this feeling. It's familiar. Like a déjà vu, I picture myself as this little girl patting her small little pillow as if it were her dog then pressing the fast forward button, and jumping ahead a few years from then, I see this exact picture of me holding my pillow, asking if it got hurt when under my head.

Over the years I have changed relatively and I consider myself a way more matured person than I was then so why is that even now, after ten long years this feeling to only feel for the scientifically 'non-living' remains? I chuckle at myself in that darkest light like a vamp from some TV serial and look at my pillow scornfully and say it in my head "Yeah, I remember.."


I am this stupid psycho who has never had a pillow under her head from the time she first felt sorry for her pillow and apologized for having hurt him (!?). This feeling is not new. I have been a girl who has been feeling sorry for her pillows all her life.

Mystical randomness, is it?

Wednesday, October 21, 2009

Blah Blah

From the dead corners of my mind comes a new one liner as shitty as ever!

'He said he liked long nosed women and so... I smirked.'

Friday, October 9, 2009

An Analytical Tale Of Two Lost Souls

Disclaimer: Shoujo in it's content, lame otherwise and in addition, quite long (boring).

The following will be a rather analytical tale of two people of the opposite sex held together by some amount of mutual attraction for quite sometime but because I am a sucker for more realistic ends, I don't plan their admiration for each other to last an eternity.
Anyway, according to the given condition, we have a man and a woman in this story. I will first sketch out a little of their character traits.
So, let's start by assuming the man to be a handsome youth over six feet, rich, with a sexy body. One who's a smooth bastard, dark, mysterious and above all a subtle womanizer. Hmm, quite a personality there! Idealizing the situation is okay for starters. About the girl, let's assume she's a shorty, not over 5' 4", independent, an appealing persona in a strange way, an individual in a nerdy fashion, wears specs, is satisfied with things more or less, terribly moody and a bit overly dense.
How do they meet? Well, looking at how the characters are, there is hardly any resemblance, but supposedly they are both well read people, we can consider them meeting in a mutual club about the books and all.

Scene 1:

[A huge building right in the midst of the fast moving city life of Mumbai. From beggars to entrepreneurs to Bollywood celebrities, everyone can be majorly described as 'busy'. Inside this building is an auditorium where the rich and sophisticated individuals from the city gather together in the pretext of discussing books. Socialites, party freaks (who apparently are jobless during daytime), wannabe businesswomen etc. can be found here on Saturdays bitching about some others who couldn't make it that particular Saturday.]

Club President: We will continue like always. Please form groups of at least five people, discuss a book belonging to the genre of romance and then anyone can volunteer to submit a book review which in turn will be published in our monthly magazine.

[women chattering]

But, before that, I would like to introduce Mr. Bhasin to you all. After his graduation from the University of London, he has now moved to Mumbai in order to take care of his business here. Please make him feel welcomed.

[Mr. Bhasin is introduced to some of the people personally and he has no problem socializing with anyone. He is made to join a group of five where he is the only man. The women seem awfully happy about it. Random pseud discussions about books and other things which they would prefer calling 'life' continues until it's time to get ready for Mumbai's
much talked about night life.]

Club President: Hopefully, you all must have been done by now. By next Saturday, I want a report from each of the seven groups. Thank you all. Have a nice day.


Scene 2

[The pseud crowd reunites once again this Saturday.]

Club President: Thank you all for your genuine interest. I have your reports here. Everyone please continue. This week's genre is fiction. Mr. Bhasin, can I have a kind word with you?

Mr. Bhasin: Certainly.

Club President: I really appreciate your enthusiasm and active participation, but now that you're here, you should know how this works. Your writing needs polishing and it can't be published the way you have written it.
But don't worry, the published review will be in your name, Sir.

Mr. Bhasin (agitated but patient enough): I see.

Club President (nervous): ... if you want we can..

Mr. Bhasin (interrupts): It's not a problem. Anyway, can I go back to my seat now?

Club President: Ah, sure.

[Mr. Bhasin's ego is hurt but that is not enough for him to lose out on his sanity. Grinding his teeth doesn't help until he notices a rather fragile looking creature hiding her face within the shade of her left arm and scribbling out something passionately in what seemed like a rather worn out diary. Mr. Bhasin is struck by curiosity and he goes to sit right next to her. She doesn't notice him much.]

Mr. Bhasin: So, you don't seem too interested.

Woman: I am writing.

Mr. Bhasin: What exactly?

Woman: A review on Pride and Prejudice.

Mr. Bhasin: But.. er, I wrote one on it. They refused.

Woman (taking off her spectacles, she looks straight into his eyes without any fear): So it's you because of whom I have to write this shit in an hour's time.

Mr. Bhasin (taken aback for a second, then a smirk spreads across his handsome face): Yeah, it's me. They call me Mr. Bhasin.

Woman (puts on her spectacles and continues to scribble): Hmm, that rich guy 'Mr. President' was talking about. Anyway, I am Tarunima.

Mr. Bhasin: First name dealing here, eh!? Well then, call me Aniket.

Woman: You can call me Miss Sharma if you want.

Mr. Bhasin: No, Tarunima is fine by me. Anyway, what are you doing!? I mean, you don't look like you belong here. Furthermore, you're a kid, midget. What is your age? Twenty?

Tarunima:! I am twenty-one. I work here as a part timer. I write them reviews and get paid a little from what you rich guys 'donate'. Poseurs.

Aniket: Whoa! You sure are pissed off! But you know what's great!? I am twenty-four. We could.. you know..

Tarunima: Please spare me, Your Highness.

Aniket: Haha..

Scene 3

[The following Saturday two socialites 'discuss' about Mr. Bhasin and 'that' girl's growing friendship.]

Mrs. Mathur: Who is that girl anyway!? I have never noticed her in any of the parties.

Miss Verma (giggles mockingly): Not to worry Mrs. Mathur, she's just some miserable girl dreaming to find her place in this city. Heard she works here as a part timer and gets paid for writing book reviews for our magazine. Can you beat that!

Mrs. Mathur: Who knows. Girls these days are ambitious even if they come from a strong family background. And she is young and pretty to some extent. I was thinking if I could set up Aniket with my daughter Meenakshi. You think he has already fallen in for this girl!?

Miss Verma: Oh no! Be assured. Meenakshi's going to make a good pair with him. All the luck, Mrs. Mathur.

Mrs. Mathur: I hope it's as you say. Thank you.

[While these two chitter-chatter about them, they on the other hand are discussing something totally unexpected.]

Tarunima: You really suck if you don't know what Dexter's Laboratory is.

Aniket: You can't possibly expect a businessman like me to know about.. err, whose laboratory!?

Tarunima (raises her eyebrows): Dexter's.

Aniket (laughs): I was kidding, you kid. And don't freak me out with that look on your face. I have seen Dexter's Lab once.

Tarunima: ONCE!? I will make you a DVD and you have to watch it.

Aniket: Oh come on.. I am a busy man. Cartoons are for kids like you.

Tarunima: Stop going to random parties and you will have a lot of spare time for yourself.

Aniket: Leave that. I just realised I really like talking to you, so let's meet up tomorrow for a cup of coffee.

Tarunima: For a coffee!? Man, you are so disappointing! You're rich to begin with, then you can't write convincingly, you give donations to these sophisticated clubs instead of giving it to homeless kids, then, you are a businessman and now coffee! You've got it all, all that's needed of a perfect pseud.

Aniket (smirks kindly): You want to go to a dhaaba?

Tarunima: I am busy.

Aniket: When are you free?

Tarunima: Next Saturday.

Aniket: Okay.

Tarunima (amused by the reaction for a second): Okay.


Scene 4

[Aniket in his posh convertible arrives ten minutes early that Saturday expecting Tarunima to be a punctual soul only to realise that she is not what she might seem to be. When the meeting is about to begin, Tarunima reaches her destination in an auto and though she is late it doesn't stop her from innocently requesting the auto driver to spare her five petty bucks. Aniket who was waiting for her outside all along, rushes towards her and pushing her back into the auto sits next to her and tells the auto driver to take them to Bhau Daji Lad Museum
. Tarunima is dumbstruck.]

Tarunima: What exactly do you think you're doing!? We have to go to the meeting.

Aniket: We can bunk sometimes, ya' know?

Tarunima: I am not rich. I am paid man!

Aniket: Calm down.

Tarunima: But..

Aniket: I am not taking you for coffee, so you can stop cribbing.

Tarunima (smiles): And you're in an auto too!

Aniket: See!

[The rest of the day is spent together talking about things in general. About Aniket's life in London and Tarunima's life in Mumbai. About the rich and the poor. About her decision to make her life on her own and about his decision to continue his family's business. They travel around the city and have fun. Later that night...]

Aniket: So, are you dating someone?

Tarunima: You think I have the time to!? Living through the day is exhausting enough. I don't think I need a man to add to my troubles.

Aniket: I see..

Tarunima (teasingly): What about you? I bet you have girls all over you. You do have a girlfriend, no?

Aniket: I did. There was this girl whom I loved most sincerely but things didn't turn out the way we wanted. It ended up in a disaster, haha. After that, I had many relationships. Nothing worked out because I never fell in love again... I think it's an inability of sorts. To trust someone enough to submit yourself to them completely without giving it a second thought, is not my cup of tea. I am a rich guy, I party, I get high and mostly, I have a girl to get me through the night but it's a waste. They get attached and I don't feel a thing for them. I laugh at them for even thinking of stuff beyond the bed. I walk out when some slut wishes to have what they term as a 'pillow talk' with me.

Tarunima: I see... Don't worry. You'll get a slut to get you through your life.

Aniket: I think I have found one. She isn't really a slut but I think she'll be a wild kitty in bed!

Tarunima: Really!? Then go get her!

Aniket (initially straight faced, then he lights a cigarette, takes in a puff or two and smiles): Getting her... is going to take time.

Tarunima: You can fool around until then.

Aniket (teasingly): Yeah! I am game for that. Want to sleep me off tonight, Taru!?

Tarunima: Eww, never!

Aniket (thinks): It's going to take a long long time..

[This scenario of talking about stuff continues over days and it gradually begins to take shape when it turns into a sort of addiction wherein a day without a talk or two with the other, is not a day well spent. Aniket takes out Tarunima to various of his parties and sophisticated concerts. Tarunima on the other hand makes Aniket watch Dexter's Laboratory.]

Scene 5

Aniket: I was thinking, are we a couple?

Tarunima: Oh hell no!

Aniket: And why not.

Tarunima: For one, we don't make out.

Aniket: Oh well, I could do that.

Tarunima: Shut up!

Aniket: No seriously. Aren't we.. umm.. you know?

Tarunima: Aniket, you suck.

Aniket (smirks): You could do that too!

Tarunima: Oh come on! And anyway, what about that girl you liked eh!? You men, change over a matter of weeks!

Aniket (straight faced): You're dumb.

Tarunima: What did you say?

Aniket: No, you're dense.

Tarunima (silent)

Aniket: Don't you get it?

Tarunima: Okay, now I do. Be mature for a change.

Aniket (irritated): Fine. In fact, it's good this way, you know. I am too dark a guy for you anyway. In addition, you don't love me. No point. You're right. In fact, you always are. Anyway, I am going back to my place now. Too much bullshit. Let's call it a day.

Tarunima (silent)

[That night, Tarunima stays up throughout contemplating over what Aniket had said. She curses herself for being so dense. It's then that she realises that the kind of characters she hated the most is what she herself is. She feels miserable thinking of all the times Aniket did stuff for her but she never even noticed. To think of it now, gave her this weird feeling in her belly. Unable to sleep, she concludes it's been far too long she pursued her search for the ideal man she always dreamt of. Aniket was full of flaws. Definitely not what she wanted. He was rich, pampered, overly ambitious and fake when it came to the various subcultures she religiously followed. He was stupid and liked to think he was dark and incapable of loving. And while she thought of all this, it suddenly struck her that this was the guy who made her overthink! She hadn't done that for ages now. The last time she probably gave something a thought was when she left Kanpur and came to Mumbai to 'make it big' without the apparent approval of her parents. She was in... for him. That richie. That pseud.]

Scene 6

[The next week is painfully slow for the both of them. On one hand is Aniket, who is sure there is nothing beyond this and on the other hand is Tarunima, confused as to how to make things the way they were or maybe, they way they could be or more appropriately, should be. Both dread the coming Saturday. Aniket is not eager to face her and Tarunima is nervous how to do the talking. When they both see each other the following Saturday, Aniket sits with some other group and Tarunima can't do a thing because she has to write reviews for various books.]

Mrs. Mathur: Seems like these two aren't "friends" anymore.

Miss Verma (giggles): I told you, you needn't be afraid. After all.. she was just an ordinary girl. Mr. Bhasin had a fun time like always. I wonder if she charged him too.

Mrs. Mathur (laughs): Can't blame her for it though. It's tough to survive in this city if you're not one of us.

[Aniket over hears their talk. After sometime, they call it a day because of some political rally about to take place in sometime. Everyone takes their leave.]

Tarunima: Aniket!

Aniket (turns around): Yeah?

Tarunima: Umm.. I wanted to speak to you.

Aniket: About what?

Tarunima: Well, about what happened last time.

Aniket (fakes a laugh): Haha. Don't bother. I was just trying to have my way with you. Must admit you were a tough chic to crack!

Tarunima: I know I was ..not exactly..

Aniket: Look woman, I don't have any interest in you now. I am disappointed somehow.

Tarunima: Huh?

Aniket: See, I know you're dense so I'll spell this out for your convenience, I-don't-like-you. Okay? Now, if you could spare me, I have to go somewhere.

Tarunima: Wait. You needn't put up a show. I know..

Aniket (irritably): Tch. Please leave me be.

[Leaving a dumbfounded Tarunima behind, Aniket drives off in his black Merc. That night, Tarunima though hurt couldn't help but think that it was all because the last time they spoke, she didn't react the way she should have. She just knew he cared. And knowing how emotional he was, she decides to pursue him even if he keeps this up. She tries calling him but he doesn't pay heed and if he did, he'd be as passive as she'd never known him to be. She took all the insults of him calling her a slut, a greedy bitch etc. just because in her heart she knew he needed her and what was more that she needed him much the same.]


Scene 7

[Tarunima awaits the arrival of Aniket the following Saturday. When Aniket shows up, she goes straight to him and says she wants to talk it all out.]

Aniket (in a bored manner): Now what?

Tarunima (determined): Let's talk.

Aniket: About?

Tarunima: I'll be straight here. Be honest and tell me, do you like me or not.

Aniket: I did.

Tarunima: And now?

Aniket: 'Did' is past tense, right?

Tarunima: Cool.

Aniket (sarcastic laugh): I love it when you try to act all nonchalant. It's funny.

Tarunima: Hmm.

Aniket: Anyway, if we're done, please allow me to proceed to the hall.

Tarunima: Wait.

Aniket (turns around): Taru..nima, I am flying back to London by the end of this month. Please, don't bother me. Okay?

Tarunima: Okay.

Aniket (after a brief pause): I have left some CD's in my car.. for you. Take it as a parting gift.

Tarunima (in a heavy voice): I don't think I will like them.... Do me a favour and tell that fucking President that I am sick today but will be back next Saturday.

Aniket (restraining himself): Okay.

Tarunima (hurt and crapped up): Do you.. hate me?

Aniket: No. It's more like ...indifference.

Tarunima (smirks): Know what? You were right. You are damaged and I wanted to fix you up.. just like I love fixing up errors in general.

Aniket: Good you're out with it. I won't blame you for saying this. Now, goodbye.

Tarunima (smiles): Yeah, bye.

[Tarunima leaves. She thought she failed miserably. And, she hated it was true. It was her ego playing all along after all. It was just as he had once said to her, '' don't 'love' me, you just 'need' me...'' and, he was right. Only thing being, it was a condition sufficient for her to submit herself to him.]


Note: I hope this is came along as realistic as possible. And anyway, romance is an idealistic idea to begin with. Where sci-fi fails, romance excels cause exaggeration and out worldly things find it's place with or without reasons.

Friday, October 2, 2009


The following will be my final post of the tutorials series because I am not creative enough to come up with cool ideas on a regular basis. Also mentionable here is the fact that the given tips, suggestions, ideas and advise are for the single desperate losers.

YUME boy, do remember the great Bejin for her generosity!

Lesson 3

How to get yourself a boyfriend/girlfriend in 10 simple ways:

1. Assuming you are desperate enough to not demand, the first suggestion would be to at least put in efforts and try to lure the opposite sex. Make sure you are not in love with anyone beforehand cause it would lead to shitty (often hilarious for the others) circumstances.
2. Crucial note here is, that you have to be desperate enough yet not communicate your desperation to the other! This is when the subtlety comes into play. Be subtle and go with the flow.
3. Be presentable. This one is really important! Don't be a physically doomed person. You have to be the kinds your to-be girlfriend/boyfriend could possibly flaunt around. Being a shame to her/him will only lead stuff to a disastrous end sooner or later because you're not in love yet. Being in love is convenient because then you don't give a damn (as they say in shoujo manga and romantic novels). For further help in this sub category refer to lesson 2.
4. Don't be fake. Just somehow, I know the other person couldn't be that dumb. Or maybe they can but then if so is the case, you don't need tutorials. You can just fool them and get them to give you the kind of romantic pleasure you desire.
5. Set a target, get experimental and be convincing.
6. Don't be demanding. Always remember the fact that you're the one whose desperate, not them! The catch here is, never stoop low and beg the other cause that might lead to two situations. One, where they start considering you a nobody and take you for granted. Two, they start considering you for a competent servant.
7. Be confident. That's true for everything. Sometimes a wrong person with great confidence can make you doubt yourself.
8. Be aware. Awareness here should not be confused with being aware about global warming and soil erosion. Be aware of your target mission. Get to know about their likes and dislikes. Act accordingly, make them take notice of you and just get them to like you. After that, it's an easy manipulation.
9. Honesty. Don't lie about stuff like your past records, relationships and life in general. A lie is caught sooner or later and from what I know, many people aren't liberal enough to take you after that without being judgmental.
10. Have a confidante by your side to help you out in crucial situations. Bejin's awesome tutorials are not a user specific guidance. Also, make sure your 'confidante' is not your jealous 'friend' head over heels for the girl/guy you're gawking at.

Note: Do not complain if this doesn't help. Remember, this is not the genre BH deals in. All she has done is just read over a hundred shoujo manga, watched some related movies and been a fan of Rumiko Takahashi and Jane Austen in her pre-teens.