Friday, July 31, 2009

It So Happened..

They entered my room and tried to get me out of my bed in the hopes of seeing a whacked out me. I lay lazily still, looked at them with weary eyes, yawned some then went back to reading a particular piece of literary shit I had in hand that time. For some reason, they seemed irritated, as if they didn't know me at all. Maybe the irritation was the result of them knowing me so very well. I don't know.
My ignoring them led them to getting scattered in different parts of my room. While Freddy was looking for a good read, Hally checked out her new outfit, which she bought on her way back home, yesterday. It's amusing to see how excited she was about a stupid dress.
Okay, damn! No matter how indifferent and cool I try to act, that black dress sure as hell caught my eye. Anyway, moving on, 'Man' (as we call him, contrary to his physique), sat next to me and asked me to get up and get ready for the "ride of my life". I showed no interest whatsoever, which kinda made him, umm.. anxious? Maybe. As it is I am bad with my expression skills. Not that it bothers me, or just maybe.. it does.

So then anyway, Hally shot up suddenly and said: "How about we plan a meeting with Fyodor and make these two talk it out!? That will set her spirits just as we want!"

For some reason, it didn't bother me at all but I think Freddy passed a subtle glare at Hally cause she suddenly cooled down just as she shot up. Man on the other hand was thinking. About what.. I am clueless. I think it was those burgers we had just before Fyodor and I had that huge argument but then again, maybe not.

It's been three weeks since I last spoke to Fyodor, I wonder what he must be doing. I know! It must be his little turtle he must be playing with. Oh I am so sure! With Fyodor, things are constant. He's too typical to be mistaken. 'Predictable' would be the word, I guess... (!?)

And haha, while I gave stuff a thought, I guess it was Freddy who was smirking and Man who suddenly exclaimed "Get up woman! You're not even reading that damned shit." It was then that I think I smiled after quite a while. Not that I am some emo sucker but because I am too lazy to smile back. No, honestly! Hally was kinda relieved seeing me smile. Okay, who am I trying to fool this once, it's just her dress she's in love with currently.

So then anyway, the guys moved out of my room and Hally stayed back. Freddy's got some neat choice when it comes to books, contrary to his dressing sensibilities. He picked up
Love in the Time of Cholera, which is kinda new, cause Freddy is hardly the sentimental types. He's more into umm.. let's say Hitler and the Nazis.
So whatever, I kinda got dressed up for a bit. Now, don't get ideas, it was just a black Nirvana T-shirt with my normal blue jeans. But I was kinda conscious cause Hally wore this umm.. sexy (!?) halter neck blouse with a cute little blue skirt. Well, so we all went out of my place, got into a cab and went to this new bar which went by the flashy name of The Zeitgiests, and for wannabe intellectual suckers like us, it was the place to get as hell drunk or.. maybe not!
Freddy kinda seemed a little more serious than the usual, because he ordered coke with chicken strips instead of beer with chicken legs. I wonder what's wrong with these guys.. except that Man is still the dumb old him and Hally.. well, the same old fancy dress woman and hence, basically it was only Freddy who was so very... umm, no, a little weird that day. Except that I get what's bothering him and I don't like what it is but who'd tell him about it all.. not me, for sure.

That day went by casually. We were sipping our cokes, fighting over the last piece of the chicken strip and well, talking... about random dreams, some new alternative rock band which Man hated, chicken strips, beer and life in general. It was then that Freddy suddenly spoke of Fyodor, and it was just then that I realised, that it didn't bother me. At all. I suddenly got trapped in this void of introspection and realised that nothing and none meant anything to me as such. It was all so trivial.. Hally, Freddy, Man, Fyodor, my parents, my neighbour, his cat and her blue bell. All of it, all of them.. I wonder what caused me to make up for such a brilliant stone.

So while I thought of the various possibilities of why I turned into a stoic, I felt a hand touch my right shoulder. It was Man. I think he wanted to console me or something. Suddenly, Freddy stepped forward and just hugged me. It was weird to be honest. He has never been that way. Never! I just patted his back. That's my way to tell people off, but Freddy.. he just hugged me, even tighter and even so I didn't feel "warm" as they describe it in shoujo manga.

I said: Freddy, it's alright.
He said: No, it's not.
I said: Okay.. but what exactly are we talking about!?
He said: About you and... Fyodor and..
I said: Fyodor? And...!?
He said: Me.
I said: What about you?

He then pushed me back and I think his eyes were moist or just maybe... it was the disco lights.

He said: You don't have to act in front of us.

Hally and Man just looked as him in great amusement. If I weren't this lazy, I would've laughed back then.

I said: Dude, got fever or something!?
He said: Let's just drop this, okay?
I said: Cool.
He said: FINE!

And just like that he was gone. Just like Fyodor.
Man went after him while Hally stood next to me.

I said: What was that again!?
Hally said: I.. have no clue.
I said: It's cool.

While we spoke of having no clue and being scandalised by Freddy's new avtaar, Man came in panting and said "I'll drop you at Hally's place tonight. Okay by you?" and I said "cool".

That night, while Hally showed me more of her dresses and nail paints and jewelery, I noticed, that no matter how indifferent I am towards my friends, they are the ones I most think about. In moments of introspection, they are my experimental guineas.
I suddenly felt the urge to call both the eff dudes and make up with them but not knowing how to go about it made me all weary and I ended up just sleeping, like any other day. I think, it's my cave to hide in, my way to give in, my way to resent, repent and give way...

..Or, maybe not!

PS: My longest post so far.
PPS: Say "ooh shaa!" XD

Saturday, July 18, 2009

Thursday, July 16, 2009

Why so serious?

I seriously need to take some serious actions against my not-so-seriously-serious self.

Seriously, I have come to realise that I can't be seriously serious about even the most serious of issues. Seriousness, could be often related to being seriously focused and/or being seriously ambitious. Seriously, I don't have a fucking clue as to what I am typing but I am shit serious this time. I mean seriously, this is so not the kind of seriousness I wish to seriously see in myself.
I wish I could be serious enough. 'Seriously serious' is what I want to get about art, academics and other serious stuff but man, I can seriously not get serious by the end of the so fucking serious day or rather a damned serious year.

Holy Mary, Mother of God, get me to become seriously serious person soon enough or else I will seriously have to take some serious measures against my so-not-serious self. Help me, Mother, help me get serious, seriously!

-Serious enough,
Bejin Serious Hakumei.